There's a particular kind of loyalty that builds up around your fertility clinic. You've given them blood draws and early morning ultrasounds. You've memorized the parking situation and the name of the receptionist who always remembers yours. You've cried in their bathroom. You've hoped in their waiting room.
So when things aren't working, when the protocol hasn't changed in three cycles, or you feel like a number on a whiteboard, or you've been quietly told that you may have "reached the end of the road", the idea of leaving can feel almost like betrayal.
It isn't, and the data backs that up.
A 2017 Mayo Clinic study found that 88% of patients who sought a second medical opinion received a new or more detailed diagnosis. In fertility care specifically, reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Stephen Greenhouse estimates that as few as 5% of patients seek a second opinion before beginning treatment, a striking gap, given what's at stake.
Getting a second opinion, or switching clinics entirely, might be one of the most underused tools in the infertility toolkit. Here's how to know when it's time, and how to do it without guilt.
The story that started a thousand Reddit threads
In a post that went viral on r/IVF, a user shared what's become a familiar kind of story in fertility communities: dismal results from a first egg retrieval, a husband who urged one more try at a different clinic, and a profound internal resistance to "starting over."
"I felt like I was cheating even by considering a new RE," she wrote.
She went anyway. The new doctor reviewed her records, told her exactly what should have happened differently in her first cycle, changed her protocol, and promised a completely different experience. Her second retrieval yielded twice as many eggs. Clinics are not created equal, she concluded. Don't lose hope and get a second opinion.
She's not alone.
In a more recent Reddit thread titled "Need positive stories about switching clinics," one person described changing clinics twice before their third clinic identified the actual root cause of their infertility, something the first two had labeled "unexplained", and treated it. They conceived naturally after treatment. Another described flying from California to Illinois for a clinic with better success rates. After five egg retrievals and three embryo transfers across multiple clinics, they're now 12 weeks pregnant.
These aren't outliers. They're a pattern.
Jess and Ryan: 7 years, 4 failed FETs, and the switch that finally worked
Jess had always known she wanted to be a mother. What she didn't know was that it would take seven years, six failed IUIs, four failed frozen embryo transfers, and an ERA cycle before she'd finally see a positive pregnancy test.
At her first clinic, her doctor had promised her a pregnancy within three IUI cycles. Six IUIs later, with no protocol changes between them, Jess and her husband Ryan moved to IVF. They had 19 eggs retrieved and 8 frozen embryos, good numbers, by any measure. And yet four transfers failed. Every time they raised concerns, they were reassured: the embryos were perfect, they were young, there was no need to do additional testing.
"Looking back, this is when we should have switched fertility clinics," Jess reflects. "Our specialist had absolutely no answers and wasn't willing to try anything different."
When they finally did switch, everything changed. A new protocol produced 5 PGS-tested normal embryos. A hysteroscopy and ERA cycle confirmed she was receptive. On January 27, 2020, they transferred one embryo, and Jess received the first positive pregnancy test of her life. She and Ryan are now parents to the baby boy she'd spent seven years trying to have.
Krystal and Brett: told they'd "reached the end of the road"
After two years of trying naturally, Krystal and Brett turned to a fertility clinic in Rhode Island. After multiple rounds of treatment, no clear diagnosis, and no success, the clinic told them their options were exhausted.
"We didn't really have any reasons why we were unable to get pregnant," Krystal recalls. "It didn't feel right to just give up."
So they didn't. Seeking a second opinion, they found Dr. Andrea DiLuigi at The Center for Advanced Reproductive Services (CARS). The difference was immediate. Dr. DiLuigi arrived to their first consultation having already reviewed their records, "She came to the call prepared, with options," Brett said, and immediately offered advanced testing and a new treatment path their previous clinic had never proposed.
Five years after they started trying, Krystal's phone rang while she was standing in a dressing room at the mall. It was Dr. DiLuigi. She was pregnant with twins. "This is almost Dr. DiLuigi's finished painting," Brett said. "She did all this work, all these little brushstrokes. This is the final product."
So: when is it actually time?
Knowing when to seek a second opinion versus when to simply stick it out is one of the harder calls in this process. There's no universal threshold, but there are some clear signals.
Your protocol hasn't changed, even though it's not working. If you've been through multiple cycles with the same drug dosages and the same approach despite repeated failures, that's a significant red flag.
A skilled reproductive endocrinologist should be analyzing each unsuccessful cycle to refine the next one. If your treatment feels like it's on a loop, a new set of eyes may introduce the necessary change, whether that's adjusting medications, trying a different stimulation protocol, or incorporating lab techniques your current clinic doesn't offer.
You've received an "unexplained infertility" diagnosis without advanced workup.
"Unexplained" is a valid classification, but it should never be a dead end. Often, "unexplained" simply means "untested."
If your clinic hasn't explored advanced diagnostics like ERA testing, comprehensive immune panels, expanded genetic screening, it may be worth asking another specialist what they'd look for.
Most REIs agree: after three unsuccessful cycles, it's time to review the plan. That doesn't automatically mean switching clinics, but it does mean the conversation should evolve.
Ask your current RE whether adjusting medications, adding supplementary treatments, or exploring a new approach might be warranted. If they're resistant to that conversation, that itself is information. Your lab may matter more than you realize. Not all embryology labs are created equal, and success rates can vary considerably between clinics even for patients with identical diagnoses.
The CDC and SART databases allow patients to compare clinics' success rates by age, diagnosis, and treatment type, a useful starting point for anyone considering a change. And if your clinic is still transferring embryos on day two or three rather than waiting for blastocysts, ask why. A good lab should be able to culture embryos to day five or six consistently. You feel dismissed, rushed, or unable to speak up.
This one is harder to quantify but no less real. If your doctor is defensive when you ask questions, or if you consistently leave appointments feeling frustrated rather than informed, the therapeutic alliance has broken down. You deserve a specialist who listens. Your gut won't stop whispering. You don't need permission to want more clarity, more connection, or simply more options. If something doesn't sit right, even if you can't fully articulate what, it's worth acting on that instinct.
What getting a second opinion actually involves
Practically speaking, a second opinion is often less disruptive than it sounds. Most clinics accept records from previous providers, and while some may want to repeat specific baseline tests, you generally won't have to start from scratch. Your embryos are safe to move between clinics. You don't owe your current clinic an explanation or a formal "break-up" conversation before consulting elsewhere.
When you go in for a second opinion, come prepared. Bring your records. Ask the new specialist for their diagnosis based on your history, what they'd recommend differently, and why. Ask about their success rates for your specific situation. Ask whether there are tests that haven't yet been done. Then importantly, compare what you hear. A second opinion doesn't always mean you should switch. Sometimes it confirms you're on the right path. But even that confirmation has value: it lets you move forward with more confidence and less doubt.
The permission you may have been waiting for
There's a reason fertility communities online are full of stories like Jess's, Krystal's, and countless others. Switching clinics, or simply walking into a second consultation requires overcoming a deeply human resistance to change, especially when you've already invested so much.
But here's what those stories, collectively, tell us: your first clinic does not have to be your last. Your first protocol is not the only protocol. A diagnosis of "unexplained" is not a verdict. And being told you've reached the end of the road does not mean you have.
You are your own best advocate. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for yourself, for your treatment, and for the family you're working toward, is simply to ask for another opinion.
